I am sitting here listening to the old punk rock music I grew up on, sipping my velvety smooth black coffee as it lights up my soul. Here we go, circle pit! While listening to this music I can never ever remember wanting to live up to anyone else’s expectations or really be anybody else to be quite honest. There was just something about it. Before we dive any deeper, let’s paint a mental montage of nostalgia: EARLY 2000’s. Rancid is playing in the background, you just yelled at your parents for no reason at all -you rebel you, your looking in the mirror making sure every single spike of that lime green mohawk resembles a steeple, now your making the grunge face and you’re ready to go the mall and show the crowd. **** yeah! You proudly stomp around with your bad*** jean jacket with the band patches and chains, combat boots and not one single word, stare, snarl even phased you, but now it does.
Where did you go? Now your fixated on being a people pleaser because well hell everyone else does it too, where did your sense of individualism go, I’m not sure about you but I remember those days and I was quite the teenage spitfire. But we are told to grow out of that stage and way of thinking because it isn’t realistic, there are very few people who still hang onto this way of thinking and damn you are my people. I’m starting to wonder that if we carried that attitude nobody could ever handle us. Why is it so easy to get lost in others but lose ourselves? Life Happens. We get caught up being a people pleaser, living up to what others expect us to be and we lose ourselves in the process.
- Stop Writing Yourself Off. Stop writing yourself off every single day to make sure other people’s expectations are fulfilled as yours sit solemnly on the sidelines. You’ve only got a bit of time in life to make sure that you are whole, after all, life sure does fly when you’re a people pleaser. Embrace every single moment that passes, every single look, touch, feel, word and I promise you will taste happiness.
- For the pushy family members. People that think they are simply “allowed” to pass judgement just because they are “family”. They won’t do this if they are a supportive bunch, they just won’t, and you won’t have to feed into the pressure of expectation. And if they aren’t, “blood is thicker than water” does not apply here. It is perfectly okay to say the hardest word, “No” or “College isn’t for me; I need to find myself first” or “I don’t want to be a carbon-copy of everyone else”. It’s okay to not want to pigeonhole yourself into something that doesn’t fit your expectations, because you will become “stuck” loathing every waking moment.
- My Friends will Judge Me. Truthfully, they probably did when you were younger and you didn’t realize it then, so why pay attention now? Kick them to the curb. People that pass judgement on others aren’t typically the people you want to surround yourself with anyways and are a bunch of negative Nancy’s and Debbie downers. Specifically, to those kids that are going through the toughest phase of their social lives in school, those awful people attempting to establish their dominance by making fun of you because you might look, love, and act a little different. Those are the people pleasers that I’m talking about, this is your time don’t you dare let anyone steal it for now and all of time.
- My significant other will become unhappy if I do something for myself. Please see numbers 1-3. There is absolutely no reason in the world that you need to kiss someone else’s *ss. If you are busy fulfilling them, you will become empty and sadly you will live a life of silent screaming. Find the person worth living with, not for.
Ultimately, STOP walking on eggshells. Expecting someone to be there when they are constantly plunged into the ground with the diabolical Jekyll and Hyde personalities and chaotic behavior is reprehensible. Your expectations are not worth a peace of mind. Several of these people will come into your life through a revolving door and it is your decision to stop the revolutions on a dime.
Stop silent screaming your way through life and make your own expectations happen. More importantly, make you happen.